Sunday, 5 December 2010
It's been a long time - I shouldn't have left you without a strong rhyme to step to. Anyway, on with the show.
This could be the most astonishing article that I've seen for quite some time. I can't begin to comprehend the horror that must be renting a two-bedroom flat in West London. However it's good to see the author develop some sense of perspective:
Of course, to some struggling to pay even basic household bills, this may all sound like another self-pitying whinge from someone who once had it all. But I guess the point is that still — despite the recession — many of us feel under more pressure than ever before to create a perfect Christmas
Monday, 21 June 2010
There's a lot to like about this story, but I think my favourite part is that the stamp on the letter almost says 'Priority Cocks Team'. Marvellous.
Thursday, 10 June 2010
After what feels like forever, the good people of the Mail oblige us with some sad face action. 1994's not a bad year to have on constant re-wind - Mandela gets elected, grunge music eventually goes away and OG Fred West makes a name for himself.
Thursday, 27 May 2010
Now I'm as disappointed as you guys are that this is just a library picture. Still, sterling work from the boys on the picture desk here.
A single euro's worth of damages does seems a bit feeble though. If my old man did this to me I'd at the very least have blackmailed a SNES out of him to buy my silence.
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Disabled grandfather arrested by EIGHT police officers for drink-driving on his 4mph mobility scooter
I love this one. He looks a bit like he's posing for a byeline photo, the mad old alky. But downing seven pints and hopping onto a scooter? A man's gotta know his limitations.
Monday, 24 May 2010
1) I bet this never happened, just like those halfwits who posted their Facebook statuses as 'OMG THE POLIS JUST TOLD MY PUB THEY HAD 2 TAK THEIR WORLD CUP FLAGS DOWN CUZ MUSLIMS COMPLAINED EDL LOL'
2) Would you look at the fucking state of that.
It's quite flattering at your age. To be honest mate, you could use all the compliments you get.
Wednesday, 19 May 2010
Gonna have to leave this one to my man Clay Davis:
Friday, 14 May 2010
As you'd expect the comments are golden on this one. Thanks, Kin from Barnet:
"you have to understand, what they are doing and the relationship they are in is a sin, there is no greater sin as sin is sin. The Church was a bit hard kicking them out, and pretty sure many others have sin. The church must remember that God loves the people but hates the sin. The only thing is that people who continue to sin should not take up leadership role within the church, people should start reading the bible more especially when Jesus question the public when they were going to stone a girl to death, no one throw a stone after what he said. do not let political change interfere with your principle in the bible."
Thursday, 13 May 2010
The Tories have only been in power five minutes and they're already pulling this shit. Anyway, I thought the kids were boshing the plant food these days?
Friday, 7 May 2010
Tells you what, that mutt was GOOD EATIN'.
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
After seeing that M.I.A. video the other day they want to keep her indoors for safety's sake, or consider investing in a balaclava.
Facebook vigilante posts 6,000 photos of convicted paedophiles and sex offenders online as 'invaluable tool for parents'
I don't think you're their type, sweetheart.
What, no swings? Families' fury after council spends £70,000 on 'deathtrap playground which looks like a cemetery'
Sorry for the delayed updates, I've been moving house. This one looks like a stock photo for a Childline advert doesn't it? It does make you wonder what the photographer said to get the kid looking so glum - "There's been a terrible accident, yer mam and dad are dead....that's it, stop still now"
Wednesday, 28 April 2010
This one is right on the fucking line isn't it? My keyboard releases toxic vapours that make you suggestible. You know I must say I actually feel more suggestible and that's just from one sniff.
Tuesday, 27 April 2010
Your friends all say..."Where is our boy ? Oh, we've lost our boy"
Apologies for the blurriness of the pic, I assume the Mail's online team are too busy playing Farmville.
Monday, 26 April 2010
Granny flat dust-up: Distraught pensioner wrestles with police and jumps in front of the digger sent to demolish her £1million luxury annexe
I think I saw her on 'Danny Dyer's Deadliest Extensions' on Bravo the other week.
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Like 'the last days of Saigon': Angry and stranded, 350 British tourists cause near-riot at Bangkok airport
Yes, it's JUST like the fall of Saigon. Jeremy and Tamsin had to run for their lives when the NVA stormed the airport Starbucks. Bloody natives don't speak a word of English either. A very cruel race.
Friday, 23 April 2010
Thursday, 22 April 2010
Brain surgery grandfather finds he has been given X-rays of someone else's head 9 months after getting the all-clear
Mountain > molehill
Wednesday, 21 April 2010
This one just about scrapes in.
Tuesday, 20 April 2010
Fancy dress is for wankers, so I'm shoulder to shoulder with Uncle Walt here.
Friday, 16 April 2010
M&S staff refuse to push cancer sufferer's trolley to her car 'because we are not insured to cross the road'
I'd have got it delivered myself. Doing the big shop is a right old faff.
Thursday, 15 April 2010
Caravanner, 61, prosecuted for having Swiss Army knife in his glove box... to cut up fruit on picnics
Just eat the skins you pussy, they're good for you.
Wednesday, 14 April 2010
Oh my gosh! This one's a stinker:
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Would have preferred a pic of Disgusted Of Waters Upton, but you have to carry on don't you? That's how we beat the Germans.
Homeowner hit by burglars three times... after they spotted his garage door left open on Street View
Should have left it shut then.
Monday, 12 April 2010
Can someone explain to me how he managed to 'stab himself in the stomach while whittling a stick', and what the hell whittling a stick is? Is it some kind of pre-industrial revolution McJob?
Woman, 86, 'threatened by security staff at Marks & Spencer... for eating biscuit in wrong part of the store'
To quote Bernard Manning (and Didier Drogba), 'it's a fucking disgrace'
Sunday, 11 April 2010
I think that's the least of his worries to be honest. Looking at his hair and phone, he appears to be trapped in 1999.
Holiday ruined after Ryanair tells passenger 'You can't fly - the ink on your boarding pass is too FAINT'
I'm a bit perturbed by the picture agency credit here. Are they in-house?
I do like that couch Andrew. Where'd you get it?
It was good of the picture editor to blur out the address.